My conceptualization of gender and personification of the ED was blown wide open this week. I was leading a group, and trying to help the women separate themselves from their EDs. We got to talking about the names they would each give their ED, and whether it seemed to have gender.
I have to admit that I initially jumped to conclusions on the gender front - after all, one was called Patricia, and another Ed. However, when the topic of gender came up, I discovered that the woman who's ED was named Patricia perceived Patricia as male, while the woman who's ED was named Ed perceived Ed as female. The second woman said she just called it "Ed" because she'd heard that name used so much; after thinking about it, she decided to call it Edie instead.
However, Patricia presents quite the quandary. The woman couldn't remember how she arrived at either the name or sense of gender - both had been a "felt sense" for a long time. That raises a question that fascinates me: how DO people come to their personifications? To what extent does it come from their imagination, past exposure/experience with the world, etc, and to what extent does it seem to arise from the nature of the ED itself? Are there varieties of "ED voice" that have nothing to do with the "diagnosis" (e.g., anorexia or bulimia), but more with its style - whether it is more "mean girl," critical authority figure, abusive ex, etc? What do you think?
thank you for reaching out to me on my blog. I have, in the past, made reference to an "ED" but for me ED has always stood for Eating Disorder. I have never personified it as many people do. I don't think that you need to give your ED a seperate identity in order to seperate from it. Instead of saying "ED is telling me this" I say "I am having 'illness thoughts' or 'eating disordered thinking'". I almost think that by personifying the ED and giving it a gender, we give it too much power. The way I see it, eating disorders are illnesses, like cancer or heart disease, and they can be overcome with the proper treatment. We are not battling against an entity, or a malevolent force. We are battling a mental illness (which may have biochemical roots) and it's physical effects. So many times I have heard things like "ED is stronger than me" or "ED made me do it" or "Ana keeps calling me back". Statements and thoughts like this can really psych someone out.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure if I am expressing myself well and its late and I am tired. I would really like to know your opinion on my opinion :P
Let me know what you think!
Lisa
Thanks for your response. I understand where you're coming from, and am in full support of people thinking about their ED in whatever way allows them to "separate" from it, as you say, and break free. I guess my "litmus test" for however one chooses to think about it is: how does that way of thinking cause you to feel about yourself? If the answer is empowered, or otherwise positive, then it seems like a helpful way of thinking. If the answer is negative, sick, defective, etc., it might be less helpful. I'm actually going to write a post tonight about why I like to personify mental health problems, including EDs, and would like your opinion, so stay tuned!
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